What is wrong with you? All you’ve ever done is run, run from your problems, run from me and now running from your grandchildren. Why can’t you just grow up and deal with things like any other adult does? Why do you lie, pin people on each other and act like a child? You’ve never spent a moment raising me or caring about me, you’ve given up on me since I was born. Remember, when you gave me away without a second thought? Now, we’re adults and you’re jealous of me, because YOUR parents did a better job with me, than they did with you. Do you have any idea how pathetic that sounds? You’re right though, I did always get what I want, probably because Grandma felt bad for me because of what you did. I guess that thought never crossed your mind.
Maybe you need a refresher, you abandoned me at birth, you lied to me my entire life, you can’t handle serious situations and you run, play the blame game, lie and do drugs, you can’t care about anyone other than yourself, you have bouts of jealousy, you have disappointed me my entire life, one disappointment after the other, some days I wish you had an abortion because of your drinking during pregnancy I have a disability that makes it almost impossible to keep a job for any length of time, I can’t follow my dreams, I can’t get my dream career because you never wanted me and tried to drink me out of your uterus. Do you have any idea how that feels? And then to have it tossed back into my face saying I get more money for nothing than anyone you know. This wasn’t my choice, I didn’t choose to be this way, you did this to me. I’ve tried to deal with it and go about my life but you have no idea how hard even the basic things can be for me, and that’s your fault.
You are completely incapable of feeling any compassion, I AM YOUR DAUGHTER and you can’t let your drama go, to get along with me, long enough for us to figure anything out. You make up bullshit lies to be able to get out of a relationship with me. Remember accusing me of stealing $4000 from my Grandfather with dementia and cancer? Yeah, good thing no one believes you, but why? I tried to ask but you refused to talk to me and when I finally got a response out of you it was filled with hate and jealousy. Why? What have I done so wrong that you feel the need to hate your daughter? Be born? Because that’s how you make me feel, like I was a burden to be born. Then you call me names, tell me I’m useless and call me a slut, you degraded me every chance you got. You treated me like shit and you wonder why people hate you? Because you are a horrible person that can’t take control of your mouth, actions and lies. It’s not because you have a big mouth Sandra, it’s because you are a bad person. You get jealous over the smallest things and then try to “out-do” me like I care what possessions you own. Here’s something you don’t know about me, I have integrity, I have a big mouth for the truth, I have no problem on calling people out on the truth or if they’re doing something stupid. I have a lot of people in my life that think I’m awesome, that love that I’m brutally honest, that love that I’m loyal but you’ve never stuck around long enough to even know anything about me. Just what you want to believe your truth is about me. You couldn’t be more wrong, you don’t know a damn thing. I know now that I am a better mother than you, better than you’ll ever be even if you’re trying to right every wrong you’ve done through Seth, I am a better person, I am a better friend and I am a better partner and if you feel the need to question anything, you should talk to my real family and friends. Ask Jessica and Leslie and see what they have to say because I may have only known them for 10 years but they’ve been around in my life longer than you have. Now that’s pretty sad.
I am so angry, that’s your fault. Some days it doesn’t bother me, doesn’t interrupt my day. Other days its all my day is consisted of. My anger with you. Now we add Mark into things and I’m angry at him too. Neither of you listen, you don’t care what anyone has to say unless it benefits you in some way. You want to be mad that I told someone that a child exists, go for it. That’s all I did because I didn’t know anything else. I knew it was Mark’s sister that adopted my sisters child, but I didn’t know anything else. I didn’t know her last name and I didn’t know her husbands name. I don’t know how to get a hold of them and I’m not sure who the father is. I just told them that he existed. All other information was obtained by Stephanie or by you, mother. Oh and I have proof of that but you can keep lying all you want, I have kept all my Facebook messages about the situation and I’ve let my sister know and sent the convo to her, so lets see how far your game will go, I learnt from the best after all.
My anger comes out in the most childish ways sometimes, because I don’t know how to handle you but with revenge. That’s what I want from you, revenge. I want you to feel every ounce of anger that you’ve put on my shoulders since I was a child. You think you’ve done such a wonderful job but that I must have gone down some wrong road but that wasn’t your fault. You’re right that it wasn’t your fault, but you did nothing. You’re a bad mother and a bad person, you haven’t done a DAMN thing, it wasn’t a wrong road, it was a path I choose, and each separate path I’ve taken was fueled by the anger that sits on my soul and that is all your fault. I’d love to send you a letter to confront you but you wouldn’t care to even read it. You would delete it or toss it the second it started making you realize that you were wrong and a bad person. The truth hurts and if that makes you not want to talk to your daughter or grandkids then you are an even worse person than I thought.
I didn’t realize how angry I was and how much it ran my life until Grandma died. When my mom died. At 26 you tried to step in and parent me again. And failed, again. Just stop trying, quit trying to come into my life, my children’s life and causing drama and anger. You have your favorite grandson that you devout all your time and attention on and it should stay that way. Keep away from me, forever. I can’t keep doing this, I can’t handle any more anger in my life because of you. Grow up, both of you. I have done some reading and I found a blog with a letter to her mother as well, there are some things she said to her mother that I want to say to you.
“I am still working on liking myself…I am sad and angry in my heart some days, while others I feel like I have moved on. Sometimes I am so angry and sad that my motivation suffers. A lot of the time I am relaxed and happy and no longer compensating for inner self loathing like I used to.
You are your own responsibility. You can conveniently blame all of your issues on me, but they are there whether I was present or not. Your family wrecked you and instead of trying to overcome it you actually seem to like to wallow in it. You openly enjoy your behaviour, you think it’s fun and you think you’re special. You like the control that you get when you rage. You like putting other people down to feel superior and smart.
I really don’t know who you are under your dysfunction and sometimes I wondered about the little girl you used to be, the authentic girl self that got trampled and disappeared. I hope someday you crawl out of your black hole, but it is no longer something that concerns me. Your personal journey does not concern me anymore and that little girl inside you is not my responsibility to parent” Fran, member of Out of the Fog.
That really resonates with me, why because I want to be done with you, I don’t want to have to shoulder any responsibility towards you, anymore or ever again. You talked about how Stephanie acts, but you ARE a bigger version of Steph. She acts like that because YOU act like that. I want all my words to feel like tiny knives in your body, I doubt they will because you just don’t care enough to be bothered by my words. One day, when you’re all alone, you might think about me or my kids but please don’t bother because we won’t be thinking about you. I had a wonderful mother and she passed away, I got another wonderful mother, Leslie, and thank god she was there because you never were. When grandma died, I thought I couldn’t survive without you, I was very wrong. But I was damaged and you knew it and took advantage of it.
I’ll make this really easy on you and since you don’t give a flying fuck about my kids, forget that we exist. We were never around, you never wasted any energy on your grandchildren, or money. They are no longer a burden for you and neither am I. We’re blood related but we’re not family. I have wanted to tell you for 20 years that a part of me actually hates you, resents you, and thinks you’re a piece of shit. But what good would any of this do? Nothing, because you’re so stuck in this merry go round of drama and bullshit that you’re to scared to jump off and just enjoy life. I honestly don’t know what I have done for you to hate me so much but I can tell you that I will not subject myself to your toxic life anymore and that I am really starting not to like you either but that’s your fault.